Yep, I still kick myself for that one every once in a while. But again, I was young, ignorant, and excited to spend birthday money at the mall.

Green jello

About that…

Teenage me actually passed up the opportunity to buy the original CD press before the name change. Why? Because teenage me was 13 and had no idea what he was looking at, so he picked the one that said Jellÿ because that’s what was on MTV.

If you think your mom isn’t on the internet, have I got a hot URL for you.

And it was raining!

having fucking measles parties for their kids

Wait. I thought that was just for chicken pox. (You know, since it’s “harmless”)

I’ve never seen salad prance before. Is this a shroom thing, or am I just not looking in the right spot?

Microwave done: beep. beep. beep. beep.

Microwave interrupted: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Microwave reset: also BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

I’d say, “You owe me a new pair of eyes,” but with my luck this would be the first thing I’d see and I’d be back to square one. Better to just take the L and move on with my life, I guess.

I’m just going to start asking my family for their papers.

“I was born here!”

Doesn’t matter any more, your orange puppet-king said so.

“My parents were born here!”

See above. Got proof? No? So sorry.

“Something something Ellis Island!”

Yeah, that’s the story that everyone tells themselves. More likely that it was just a random boat at a random port (or beach) and your vaunted ancestors just started… you know, living here.

Papers, please.

“Wtf I was just getting used to that umbrella”

I got you.

https://youtu.be/Y3M4KVnQjHU?t=116

Ignoring phone calls is the highlight of my day. Every day. For years.

_{Kill me please.}

It’s haunting and timeless. One of their best.

Well, I’m here to tell you now, each and every mother’s son

You better learn it fast, you better learn it young

'Cause someday never comes

Posted by the same user, even.

I hope all of my comments that were highly upvoted, edited to nonsense before leaving, yet still to this day get occasional replies, got sucked into the dataset.

Looks like op edited it a few hours ago. 👍

Without the attributions cropped out.